The Dress

My mind was overloaded with visions of the day to come.  Who would show, who would not? What would we get, what would we not get?  Would the guests like the decorations my mom and I worked so hard on during the weeks before?   I thought I would lay awake all night as the questions continued.  Never will I understand how butterflies and a baby managed to make their way into my womb that night. Sleep finally came and soon the alarm clock would wake me. The sun was so bright and beautiful.  My heart rejoiced with the sound of  birds singing as the warm spring air blew through my window.  What an exciting day this would be.  May 25, 2008 had finally arrived!  It was the day of my baby shower.The day I had dreamed of since I was a little girl, growing to be a woman with responsibilities.

As I rolled over to get out of bed I quickly realize the baby had grown overnight.  This precious baby girl was coming along just fine.  What seems so silly now was such a huge decision then.  What dress to wear?  The black and white polka dot or the light blue with pink flowers.  I thought to myself, “who wants to wear black and white to celebrate a new life?”  And so, light blue with pink flowers it was.

What an amazing feeling it was to have my mom, friends and family come along side me as we oohed and aahed over tiny baby clothes.  Books were given rather than cards and so we went around reading aloud the sweet notes written to the baby that would soon be called, Madalynn Capri.

The day was long and with little sleep the night before I was ready to pack my goodies, a plate of food and hit the couch for a night of rest.  My step-dad and Madalynn’s daddy came to collect the beautiful items.  As we were leaving, I realized that rather than heading home, we were driving to my parents house.  I was certain there must be one final gift that was held back as a suprise.  As mom and I were escorted to the couch in my parents living room,  Madalynn’s dad moved in close to me. My mind raced with anticipation.  Could it be a new car seat and stroller?  Money?  More clothes? Did my dad make something special for the baby?  Whatever it was, I just knew it was something great as mom’s gifts are the best.

As my step-dad began to speak, his face had concern on it. His words came out slow and his voice was trembling with emotion. I learned in that moment that not all days that start out wonderful end the same way and your greatest day can turn into your worst nightmare.

As I begin to process his words the pressure in my ears kept me from hearing clearly. My body became numb and I could feel my throat close as my heart begin to beat at a rapid speed.  My breathing became shallow as my mind began to race.

These words would forever pierce my heart, “I’m so sorry to tell you this but…………… Angie died today.”

My big sister had taken her life the day of my baby shower. So many questions and decisions would be made in the days to come.  But there was one that would come around again, yet this time it would not be such a huge decision. What dress to wear?  It was simple, the black and white polka dot.  Just 3 days earlier my dress would celebrate a life to come and now my dress would celebrate a great life lived.

To read about my sis and get a better understanding as to why she was not at my shower click here : Angela Carol Powell