God loves – God is -Seek God – Ask God – Trust God – God gives
These and many others I have heard and desperately want to believe. With all my heart I want to know and experience God. I want to please the Lord and know His will in my life. I want to bless others, support and encourage them. But too often, I become frustrated, bitter and angry that they don’t understand or even want to follow Jesus. And then I struggle with, is this how a Christian girl should feel? Where is the joy that is promised? Where is the path that I am to see like Proverbs 3:6 says?
If I may be honest, I think on that night I surrendered my life to Jesus I said, “Thank you for your life, now I will go and live mine”. Fully surrender all things to God as in Matthew 11:28-30? No, this I have not done. Not in all areas of my life. Not in most areas if I am honest. I mean, what does this even look like?
I came to Christ at age 31 living alone as a single momma. I am just now learning the stories my 5yr old is learning in church. I don’t know the Hymns that are played as most do from childhood. I probably can’t even tell you 20 people from the bible. But my heart is desperate to learn of a God who loved ME so much that even while I hated him, He sent his only son to die for me. Wow!
When life goes good oh how I praise God. But when the road ends or there is a mountain I must climb in order get to the next place, I too often grumble and complain and take matters into my own hands.
Some events in life we try to squeeze through on our bible study from last month or even from last year but all things require complete dependence on God EVERY DAY!
The example came in a way I had not expected. A situation was at its breaking point. It would either be thrown in the trash like garbage or placed before God for his restoration. A few friends came along side to encourage and give hope that had been lost. As they entered the room they were empty handed. There were no special tricks. No opinions given. No quick fix-it ideas.
We were advised to hit our knees and seek God. If this was going to be fixed and used for HIS glory, we were going to have to lay it down before Him. All of it! And that is what we did. We cried out to our Father for His love, His goodness, His forgiveness, His strength, His grace, His wisdom….
It was good. It was refreshing. It was total surrender.
I must say that in the beginning I was getting a little frustrated in our prayers. Like, come on what is this really going to do? You are not telling me what to do? How will I know tomorrow what is right? It is truly amazing that His love can handle this simple minded girl.
I am learning that I am nothing without Him. I say learning because I struggle with my pride that I am something special, that I deserve to be happy and that I should not have to suffer. But even in my confusion God is doing something special with my life. His finger prints are all over and I have no desire to wipe them away, I welcome them. Coming to the end of me is tuff, but seeing the amazing things He has in store gives me freedom to let go and let God.
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” Isaiah 55:8 (NLT)
2HIMIGO 