My Step-Dad

At the age of 37 he had no children of his own and after the wedding to my mom, he was now to claim 2 daughters ages 10 and 13.

Where was it written what a step-dad is to do? Are there expectations to his new role? How would he know how to bond and relate to a teenager and almost pre-teen?  With two girls not having an active dad, how was he to come along side us?  Would his rules apply?  What would his rules even be?  

Being the 10 yr old, I never gave it much thought at the time.  He came into our family and my life changed. I accepted this change with only a few struggles in school due to my parents’ divorce.

It’s crazy how you don’t “see” your parents as real people until around your mid 20’s.  And now that I am a step-mom, I have grown to appreciate so many things my step-dad; Steve did for me and continues to do today.

One of my first memories was getting help on homework assignments.

Then the big science fair!  We, or rather HE, spent hours researching and making my project the best it could be.  Steve worked for a truck stop and he had much knowledge in gas…. Etc.  He created this amazing display with a booklet to explain the difference of gas, oils… whatever it was!  Being that I didn’t do the work, I don’t remember – Ha! The final outcome, I got honorable mention on my science fair project.  What a spectacular day when MY name got announced over the entire school!!!  Yes, that was a good day!

Sometimes we think we have to do much and buy much to be special, to be remembered, to be accepted and simply to be loved.  But the truth is the memories we hold dearest are the ones that money cannot buy.

Riding in the back of the baby blue Celica, Steve took a stick to prop open the hatch so my friend and I could ride in style while cruising in the woods with him and mom. He would take me and my friends to rent the most gruesome scary movies while getting so sick he would hit the front porch while we giggled and giggled at him.  He drove me to school each AM as mom had to be at work in the wee early hours as I was just too cool to ride the bus. 

When I was 14 years old, I feel 15 feet off a friend’s balcony.  My entire leg was in a brace for over a month.  Steve took me to school and carried my books in for me to 1^st period each day.  Once the brace was removed I was told I had arthritis in my knees due to the fall and some torn muscle in my leg.  At night, the pain would be so intense I would wake up screaming.  Steve would wake up and get me a heating pad and rub my knees for me as I cried myself back to sleep.

And…….

Many heart breaks, he was there.

Prom, he was there.

Co-signing my 1^st car – he was there.

Graduation, he was there.

First apartment, he was there.

Moving back home 2 times, he was there.

Death of my sister, he was there.

Death of my dad, he was there.

Miscarriage, he was there.

Pregnant clothes shopping, he was there. (Oh what a sight it was)

The birth of my daughter, he was there.

Going thru a marriage and divorce, he was there.

During custody battles in court, he was there.

The day of my 2^nd baptism, he was there. (long story why I did it 2 times)

Giving me away at my 2^nd marriage, he was there. 

Steve was not to come into my life and replace my dad.  My dad was very much alive and able.  My dad did not know how to be my dad and so he chose not to be an active part.  I have accepted that.  Even though I remain a woman with many scars created by my father for his lack thereof, Steve was never expected in my mind to fill what my dad didn’t do.  He was not a replacement or a stand in.  When I think of the pain caused by my “DAD”, Steve does not come to mind.  My father does. 

So what is my Step-Dad to me? 

He is a blessing!  He is a man who was there to support this little girl growing up and into womanhood.  He was there to walk along side me in the things that I was about to learn and support me as I grew into making my own choices. He is a man with little words, but I KNOW without a doubt that at ANY time he will drop everything to be there for me and my family.  No question about it! 

And now that I am a woman it continues.  The love and support is spilled over into my little girl.  From the moment the test showed positive, Steve has been along side in the journey. There is this bond with the two of them that is precious.  He doesn’t have to buy her a thing.  Just sit with her while she plays, or rather bosses him around.  She desires his time. 

I pray that as my parenting & step-parenting journey continues, I too can be remembered for support, that face of comfort, knowledge and then one day extend my love to their children like my step-dad does for me.

Steve, thank you for all you have done for me.  Thank you for stepping up and doing the best you could how with what you knew.  It could not have been easy….  And I am blessed you stuck it out!  I love you! 

2himigo,

Amanda